Lingering Fragrance

Thou can see the image of stars in his eyes.

As he lay on the earthen bed; the twinkling stars of the skies,

Where he lay in the midst of his barren land,

With neither a friend of a foe close at hand,

Ticking the hands of time back again

He refreshes the by gone past in vain.

The smell of the earth bowled him over.

While he watered the flowers in full cover.

Violet lavenders, red roses, white daisies,

Where the beautiful colours of nature struck him with wonderful praises

The laughter of his children, quarrels with his wife.

Were what he longed now in his life,

The rain, wind, sea and sun

Are his companions as he has none,

Green trees, blue sky, garden in full bloom-

Were cherished by his kids and groom,

Then came along the fateful day,

When came the mighty waves at bay,

Flooding with moments of destruction, minutes of agony,

His family struggled to release from its clutches,

The giant, turbulent waves carried his love,

In the vast, barren earth he had to stow

The sea sickened him, his heart beckoned him to reach the dear ones,

With whom he had spent decades of fun,

There he lay in solitary, missing love's fragrance.

The sweet cry of his daughter, the overcooked food of his wife were what he longed for..

Fragrance of love-happiness,

Fragrance of hatred-sadness,

Were all the same for him..

Those lovely lingering memories were all that he cherished in his life now,

That filled his heavy heart with joy and weary eyes with tears.

The verses were jotted down a year ago during my school's poem writing competition which fetched me a prize.

A Farmer's Woe

Penned down in 2006..

As the wind moves the dry clouds..

The farmer looks up at the blue sky,

With some hopes of rain

To cleanse his farms and fields

The hopeful farmer is longing

To hear the pitter patter of rain

The howling wind storms the streets;

With dry leaves and summer dust,

Whilst the farmer sighs in vain

And wonders if he ever will

Enjoy the pleasing rain.

The weary farmer looks at his barren lands

Which ought to be a Moor land

As the twilight approaches

He laments of his own woes and worries-

For his family thrives only

On his cattle and fields.

A sudden chill night air blows;

And puts his out of worries

He is relieved of his woes and overjoyed

When he hears the dashing of the clouds

And the thunder and lightning,

Makes him dance in happiness!

The Farmer blesses the first drop of rain!

Which touches the dry earth

His heart swings in joy,

As he hears the pitter patter of rain!

La plus belle matin du monde..

His inbox said 1 new unread mail. And it remained unread for the past two weeks. He was busy now, doing shifts day and night juggling up with the univ papers and household chores. And he was getting better at multi-tasking, the more occupied and distracted he was, lesser the time he spent tormenting himself with the realisation.

He wanted to inform his family about how things were shaping up and he found himself signing into his Yahoo account.

New mail from Anu. It was just a click away, yet he hesitated wondering how long the contents of this mail would torment him. But yes he had to deal with the diversities life offered him. So was he going to simply trash it or read it? Why go through another emotional upheaval? Why not just trash it? Whatever it contained, it was not going to bring him even a bit of happiness. Just one of those firmly shut doors from the past which was open to some stranger and not to him. A part of him, that logical and sensible part which was in its absolute flow told him to trash it, BUT irrationality engulfs even the smartest of people. The mail was 2 weeks old, dated 17th dec. The night prior to her wedding. He sighed. So she had bothered to mail him before she lawfully became somebody else’s wife. Yes, very comforting.

The last six months was a torture. He would have preferred death. Easy and welcoming. The world held nothing for him. What was the point of this daily routine? The purpose for his masters in the US failed him. His life was falling apart. He just couldn’t fix it. Nor was it fixable. He wasn’t a machine that these geeky techie’s could pull apart and put it back. His bachelor’s degree was mocking him. His mind was sick. Sick of his life, lacking everything. He no longer felt the need survive. For one week he had been receiving phone calls from India, from his mother trying her best to keep his son alive. And then he could no longer take it. He shut himself away , he hadn’t eaten, talked to anybody, refusing human contact for two days. All he did was cry and moan, with the stereo in full volume. He was ashamed of his behavior towards his house mates, but he had no body to turn to for help either. He was a stranger here, the place, food and people… repulsing it all every moment. He wanted to go run away. Not to india. Not home. Some where far away where nobody would recognize him..where nobody could reach him..

At college, the first year was not much exciting…he being in Mechanical engineering with a no-girl population. He was introduced to her in the second year by one of his friends and he had said a shy and small “Hi”, having studied in a boys school with no knowledge about flirtarious smiles or compliments. He had to admit that she was strikingly beautiful in her salwaar kameez. Much more Indian and traditional, in contrast to her classmates who were outstandingly westernized in dressing style. She was in computer science I gathered and a day’s scholar. She was healthy and fit unlike him who had been deprived of good food in the hostel for a year and had lost his plumpy cheeks. He was tall, thin and his face had grown longer. Time to time they ran into each other..mostly in the canteen. The library was the place that she adored in the whole campus, she had told him one day while finishing off her roti’s ravenously. He adding that he wouldn’t run into her there because he was allegric to books..tearing roti off her tiffin box..now that she had offered him food realizing that the mess made rubber roti’s. They had exchanged their mobile numbers and the friendship nutured and turned into genuine affection for each other that paved way to the divine emotion...a few months later..They were irrevocably and irrationally in love with each other.. Which is where things might end up serenely happy or sickeningly sad.

On his farewell day he was happily smiling with her for photos. He could no longer imagine a life without her. He hadn’t even considered that possibility. The three years together..he was insanely happy. He had played the fool all along..having maximum fun at the hostel..flunked in the semesters..But all this din’t shake him. Even when he had 9 papers to clear..he had done it at a shot. She had made him do it. He was confronted by her when he told her that there were 9 papers yet to be cleared. How could he even dream of asking her hand in marriage when he was in such a position? She had made it clear that she wouldn’t marry him unless her parents approved of him and there was no chance of disobeying the people who had fed, clothed, sheltered and loved her for 20years. And so she had motivated, encouraged and inspired him all along. She had persuaded and pushed him to do his masters in the US. Do it for me- for my sake-she had said all along.

Now it seemed like words written on water..disappearing the very moment you write on it..

Two years after he went to the US ,they informed each other’s family and their sun, moon and stars were discussed with renowned astrologers. It looked like the fate had decided that they were not meant to be together at all. Her marriage to him would cause his death. This was absolutely devastating for her and she woke up screaming from nightmares which pictured his death horribly. Moreover her parents din’t approve of her selection. They had selected a bridegroom for their daughter..who had the perfect astrological qualifications. And she would never dare to disobey her parents. AND That was that.

He knew nothing about the guy who had been set up as his rival, just the date of her marriage that was fixed six months later.

When he could no longer shut himself away..he would take long walks..not knowing where the road would lead him...just like his life..walking wherever his foot lead him… like a corpse…lifeless,rotten..with sick and twisted thoughts …..stashing out images of her from his mind..of her laughter..her smile..her voice..Earlier the distance never bothered him..they used to call up daily and talk to each other..But now the distance was the only thing that separated her from him..helped him to push her away from the deepest of his thoughts..the distance grew on him..he craved for company and people..he would talk to many other girls hours together but not genuinely interested in anybody anymore..Nature..people..music..food..books..cinema..appealed to him..

He was woken up one morning by his house mate alarmingly and sensing that something was wrong he rushed to the balcony to find him watching the beautiful rising of Sun. He had gaped at its beauty..realised that she was just one of innumerable beauties that nature held..and aside her there were many other things worth loving, admiring and living for.

So the last 15days ran without any thoughts of her..He had celebrated his new year emptying wine bottles silently listening to music..had left behind his past..had started over again..had taken an earnest interest in life and work..and now he had been reminded once more of her existence..he could no longer wait..so he opened it..it read-

Hi,

Heard that you are doing good. Congratulations on getting a job, aunty mentioned it to me. Hope we don’t traverse paths anymore causing pain to both of us. Take care of yourself.

Goodbye. J

Phew. That was all. He was relieved. He wasn’t even annoyed at the fact that she hadn’t signed it ‘with love’. He din’t want her love anymore. He smiled and with one click trashed it.

He was moving on.